Are we intolerant of our children, of childhood?

Thursday, June 7, 2012

It is with slight hesitation I post this post, and it is just a thought. I would like to hear other parents comments on, I don’t think there is an answer to fit everyone and what you do or don’t do is your personal free choice and you are entitled to it – so please don’t judge this blog post but let me know what your experiences are because here is my experience.

There are very good reasons that parents put their children onto medications and there are some parents who choose not to? So here are my reasons for not doing it, because I consider my child ‘normal’ with some outstanding traits that as an adult I wouldn’t think twice about – well actually quite the opposite, I think alot about!

Adults with similar characteristic behaviours, (seen in some children) are looked at in awe! Observed with wonder of their superhuman abilities to bounce back, be resilient, to do what they choose, be adventurous with little thought about what will happen next, but we don’t force them to take drugs to calm them down and make them more law abiding or less adventurous?

See we look at some adults, perhaps even friends of ours and think - How cool, wow they have so much energy, how do they get so much done. Wish I had their brain for two minutes, they always have ideas, they’re always busy. They’re disorganized, they’re always running late but hey they’re fun! They’re so positive, they’re really encouraging and supportive. They’re always up for a night out or a trip away. They’re so popular, she’s fun to be with, she’s loud, she’s funny, she’s entertaining, she’s a bit out there but who cares she’s doing the best she can!

But these traits in our children we don’t want to accept? We want them to be like everybody else (because everybody else is so good, they fit in at school, they’re getting good grades, they listen when spoken to or obeys without arguing, they’re accepted and liked by their peers).

Are children being discriminated against? Is the fear of being judged as a parent influencing how we treat our children?

The only thing that belongs in a box is toys!

Friday, June 1, 2012

In our attempts to diagnose or treat or find answers sometimes we lose our capacity to individualise!
I get tired of hearing others say - “oh I know that,?” “you can do this” or “try this” or  worse be compared to so and so who had this and be told about something that happened to so and so who had that.

The list is endless, food allergies, child behaviour diagnosis – LABELLING- all contribute to normalising and belonging, to fitting in and hopefully finding support but it can also be detrimental if you don’t take a step back and say this is ‘MY CHILD’- a unique, special, beautiful individual with ‘such and such’ but NOT LIKE ANYONE ELSE – who knows what will happen when you start to look to your child for the answers and not the so and so’s.

I am always reminded of this by a close friend whose child was diagnosed with something  - that I won’t write the name of here but all the research and stats and information on it is terrible and the prognosis is not good - if you read so and so’s stories.   However, my friend’s response was admirable!  She saw through and past the label, through what may or may not be to see HER CHILD and her child is her treasure and is not defined by their diagnosis.  Her child is accepted as they are and the illness is not ignored or denied but most importantly the child is embraced, sheltered and given every opportunity to develop, grow and reach their full potential.

We do this with almost anything nowadays, we want to be ‘normal’, be accepted, be helped, be helpful!  
So here is a guide:

The only thing that belongs in a box is toys, so don’t box my child into a category or a definition or worse what you know about ‘it’.

If you do think you know about ‘it’ - ask me some more questions just to make sure that we’re on the same page and you have MY WHOLE story first. 

If you really do know something positive about ‘it’ or think you can help without comparing or sharing so and so’s story then I welcome it! I don’t want to hear the bad stuff , that website or the last 10 websites I did my research on gave me the negatives already!

If you can’t think of something nice or positive just a sigh, or “mmm” or “I’m thinking of you”, will do.

Has 'labelling' helped you?  Have you ever had unhelpful advice or perhaps you've have unsolicited advice that has unexpectedly helped you?  Your comments, thoughts are welcome below.

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