Types of tantrums:

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

I have tried to group types of tantrums, every child throws tantrums although most children differ in how the tantrum is carried out. Tantrums are a great way for parents to teach their children social skills and how to deal with underlying emotions including disappointment, rage, frustration or fear.

We know the “demonstrative” tantrum. The “give me what I want” tantrum that peaks at times when a child cannot get what they want. As children get older this tantrum may also include a threat of a tantrum, “give it to me or else...”.

The “helpless” tantrum this is less common but a tantrum nonetheless, children who “cry” in the hopes that a parent will do something for them or ‘rescue’ them, “I can’t do it myself”. It is not helping the child to rescue them or assist them everytime they give up. An example may be when they have misplaced something, perhaps a toy, a shoe, and when nobody wants to help them look for it, they cry and cry.

The “silent” tantrum, the child who intentionally sulks or stays away from you when things don’t go his/her way. This child may internalise what they feel and although it is a quiet tantrum and may go largely unnoticed it is important to follow up and ‘check-in’ with your child or discuss the issue later on when he/she is comfortable to talk.

ADD/ADHD or Personality?

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Article by Eleanor Formaggio, January 2009

Up to 78 percent of four to seventeen year olds in the United States have ADD/ADHD, according to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Whilst this is alarming, many children with ADD/ADHD do not get diagnosed. Some of these children will go on to be adults without the diagnoses or label of ADD/ADHD and adjust their behaviour naturally. Not all inattention or hyperactivity is linked with ADD/ADHD and some behaviours can be modified without the need for medication.

Some personality characteristics fall well within the scope for ADD/ADHD and through understanding personality, behaviour can be better understood.
When considering a child's need for an assessment of ADD/ADHD, especially a child of preschool age, many factors need to be looked at.
Factors which are relevant to a preschooler or young child's behaviour may include:
The child's age and the child's developmental stage. These may assist in assessing more accurately whether the behaviour is within the range for their age and development.
What affect this behaviour may have, whether it is 'a phase', a habit or a possible long term problem.
External contributing factors may include:
Relationships with their siblings and parents, the time of day the behaviour is carried out, diet or sleep. These also need to be considered when looking at child behaviour.

To find solutions to behaviour, a personality assessment may be helpful. A child's temperament, whether he/she is introverted or extraverted, calm or active may be evident from birth. Personality can be identified and assessed in a child as young as two to three years of age. By understanding a child's personality type and their unique makeup of needs, motivation and thoughts, behaviour modification strategies and solutions can be tailored to ensure results. Solutions can concentrate on the child as an individual and the child in the family setting.

If you want to know more about our parent support using tailored strategies or want to find out more about our unique Preschooler Personality Kit, see our website http://www.parentwithpotential.com or email us info@parentwithpotential.com

That’s not fair! Or is it?

Thursday, August 19, 2010

What does it mean to treat a child fairly? Does it mean equally? Does it mean the punishments must be the same for all the children in your household, ie. Timeout or taking away toys.

I raised this once at a workshop that I conducted and a mother was shocked that I do not punish or reward my children in the same way. One parent immediately remarked that her children would complain that this was “unfair”.
My children do not realise the difference, perhaps because I have done this from an early age with them and perhaps also because the punishment or reward suits their personality style so they don’t even notice because their foundational needs are met.

I discovered early on, that my one child responded well to time out but only in his bedroom and it served more as a time for him to calm down and reflect on his own behaviour rather than a punishment. Why is this? I noticed that he is energetic and very quick to act sometimes without realising the consequences of his actions. By putting him in timeout it was so he could learn to ‘think’ about consequences and actions. He also responded to instant rewards. He had no patience to wait 10 days.
For my other child – the idea of timeout doesn’t really have an impact as he is a sulker and if in trouble tends to stay away from us intentionally until he is ready to talk or discuss the real issue. So with him it normally entails some ‘shock’ factor to get him motivated to change his ways like letting him know someone else, like his teacher or someone else he respects, will know about it. He does like to please and this usually gets him to change his behaviour or make a better choice quite quickly. He also responds to money as a reward and doesn’t mind saving his money to buy something of value.

Rewards or discipline we choose should teach a lesson and lead to new behaviour – if this is not happening then we need to look at our approach.

As these examples may demonstrate, a one size fits all approach does not work and once we know what our children’s needs are we can parent with more freedom and choice whilst still having a positive effect. What are your thoughts?

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